An Ocean of Emotion

An Ocean of Emotion… its a good thing that I don’t drink.

I didn’t sign up for this..   really!  But then if we were allowed to only experience that which we “signed up for”, then we would be left with pretty uneventful, mind numbingly boring and far less opportunities for enlightenment I suppose.

This is not where I saw myself a year ago. I was actually thinking that by this time I’d be slowing down, not speeding up. I surely didn’t think I’d be the sole breadwinner at this point. I mistakenly thought that I’d be given the chance to focus a little more on keeping my MS in check, as I can’t seem to figure out exactly how the neurologist thing all really works.  I’m not sure I’ve been given a good example. I haven’t been impressed so far. Year 2, and still the most helpful things I’ve found, have been things that I’ve come up with through my own research, not so much from the neurologist’s mouth.  All he seems to be able to offer, is to for me to take medicine that he only has a guess in how it might benefit my disease.

I am thankful, and lucky to have insurance through my work, but I still can’t seem to get the medical bills under control, and the outlook only seems to get worse.  (I’m sure it will be fine, I’m just exhausted and frustrated at the moment. )

It amazes me how many loopholes there seem to be, so that things that are insisted by some doctors,  still isn’t covered, or at least isn’t covered enough to where you can even afford to pay the portion that isn’t. To me it seems like such a clear sign of the poor shape of our healthcare system is in when everything costs so much, that you still can’t afford the 20% or 30% that your insurance didn’t include. When a single test comes back with the 30% still costing more than you make in a month, I think there is a clear and present issue! Am I the only one that feels this way?

I hear people banter over healthcare reform, and I never felt so alone in my view. Why are we so selfish? Why do people not want the best we can do for the majority, instead of only the few? If you care about others, it seems you are “unpatriotic” and “unAmerican”, and other such nonesence.  Personally, I think its “unpatriotic” to not do what is best for the majority of our citizens, If I am this frustrated, and feeling this lost, then I can only imagine what people in far worse situations than I am, are feeling when it comes to all this.

I feel so lost sometimes…  I can’t sleep, and I’m  just so tired and don’t have the energy.  Time to pray I guess,  and ask God to loan me some more.

This too shall pass….. This too shall pass….   This too shall pass…

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