Ego preservation

Ego preservation is such a waste of time and energy. It limits how soon you can get to the results stage of a problem. It often minimizes how often others wish to even interact with you. It delays any actual progress, distracting us from our goal. Its one of the most worthless and weakest human traits that we stand by so staunchly. We seem to want to be seen as “right” more far than we actually  want “right results” to actually occur which is plain dumb.

We have this stupid tendency to be very worried about our own status and position, in making sure that other’s know just “how important” we are, and making sure they know “their place” in relation to that. Rather than just showing them our strengths instead by proving them, we expect that others follow suit with the narrative we’ve told ourselves. Egos are very bad for teamwork.

I’m so tired of the whole thing.



Valentines approaches, and it brings to mind a simple musing for me..

The beauty of Love is how it can bring you around…. how it can wake you up… how it can make you appreciate the simple wonders that is quality time spent in this life. It can help you appreciate the very small things, the subtle and gentle moments that are so truly life-affirming. To find those moments of awe and simple appreciation.

What is love exactly? I understand that my view on what love is in the first place detours a bit from the normalcy of society. First and foremost, I believe the hierarchy to be quite different than most.  I don’t feel like romantic love is at all the highest level to be achieved when it comes to love. I find romantic entanglement to actually be far lower on the scale because it seems it cannot be totally abstained from needing our ego’s to be fed in some manner by the other in order to “feel” like its working or worth it.

a quote comes to mind…

“It’s like loving the stars themselves… you don’t expect a sunset to love you back” ~ River Song

The things that make me appreciate love, are a resolute connection and a consistent simple willingness to attempt to understand another person and continue to care… even if there is no benefit to ourselves that will come out of it.

That is the pinnacle defining factor… a willingness to remain altruistic in a relationship to where your desire is purely health and happiness for the other, without reward to your own ego over it.  Its a tall order, its something more purely honest than having any underlining expectation of the investments of caring having the affect of being reflected back at you… and that is why I can’t put the same amount of merit into romantic situations as altruistic ones.

To desire another’s happiness above the need to be centrally important in their life. To be content with them living out their potential regardless of how involved it allows you to be.. not needing to be centrally important to them.  That to me is the highest measure of love someone can have towards another.

I personally would desire altruistic love over romantic infatuation any day.


This frustrating world….

I think the most frustrating thing about this lifetime is to feel like you are stuck in an environment where the masses are so stuck in abetting made-up priorities rather than the ones that really matter in order to create a greater good.

A world of slaves ruled by financial standings more than ethical or moral positions. To have so many believe that its beyond them to act, help, or even set up alternate ways to process things unless there is a dollar value allotted to go with it. That effort only matters if matched with funding. Short-term reciprocation expected for every action they take.

If you have to be paid in order to have moral character, than it isn’t moral character you can claim at all.

Its frustrating to feel alone in that people are only willing to be moral or exhibit ethics IF and when – it makes them look good, or it benefits them financially.

To live in a world where an individual’s value seems to be based upon the financial resources of the people that care about them.

This is the world I feel like I’m stuck in. It just makes me sad.

Happiness is a choice…

It always comes out true… Happiness is definitely a choice. It ends up being the result of your own efforts and choices, and not those of others.  No one can make you happy nor make you “feel” anything for that matter. Its actually the attitudes you take, the beliefs you nurture and the perspectives you allow to stay that decide it all, and you are the only one that has control of those things.

For some it is easy to mistake it as someone else’s doing, because your perspectives  — when left raw and under-scrutinized — are very easily be influenced by the emotion and energy of those around you. The lens you use to look at the world around you determines your reality.

All actions you take as well as the actions you don’t take — all still very much are your own choices. Its becomes simple when you realize that if happiness is your goal with your current situation, then you will have to let go of something. It will either be to “Let go” by decide to build yourself better filters and being less obsessive about the actions of others…. OR…..   you will decide you cannot go any further with the way things are and you decide to let go



The issue with questioning everything is that you do in fact question everything which makes it hard to ever feel actually comfortable. The upside, however, is that you are quicker to learn from every instance that presents and adjust things accordingly. Adapting yourself to best deal with whats around you and whats beyond your control, yet still making the most out of it. You remain open to new ideas and new experiences, and you choose to learn from them rather than merely judge them.

The issue with following blindly is that you do in fact follow blindly and you need nothing real or proven to substantiate what you think, or feel, because your belief is all that matters. You can totally find comfort, but since this is life… and things have a habit of changing, you also are less likely to learn or adjust to the things around you because it doesn’t fit in with the perception of how things should be, and if you do adapt or change it becomes guilt over betraying that initial core belief.

I prefer for the ISP’s not to basically become another “cable company” type situation. One who gets to decide what sites I have the best connections to, and what sites I “don’t need” as good of a connection to.

One thing this conversation has brought to light is the reality that most people don’t have a real good grasp on how the internet works in the very first place. The internet as we know it works out of cooperation. If you think its your actual ISP’s router that delivers your packets the entire way to the site you want to visit and back, then you are quite mistaken.

The internet already depends on a level trust that the path your data takes will allow it to be passed on from one network’s router to another network’s router to yet another network’s router and then be delivered as requested. Its a whole ecosystem of cooperation.

What do you think happens when parts of that path suddenly decide that its ok to mess with that cooperation? When they decide what should be slowed down or stopped altogether because of a financial benefit to them.

Net Neutrality’s “regulations” that some of these people are all worried about, isn’t “your internet being micromanaged by bureaucrats”… Its safeguarding “our internet” from having its ecosystem being disturbed by greed. Once the cooperation stops… “your internet” will never be the same. I personally enjoy our current system. Its kinda nice to see untainted cooperation somewhere in this world.

Remember sometimes that it isn’t the ones that actually “know” how things work that makes the decisions on things like this, its the people “in charge” who are only in it to turn a profit that make the final decisions.

I’m having a hard time trying to figure this out.

Am I really supposed to be proud of our nation when we aren’t even living up to, or supporting the ideas that are advertised as being American ideals? Bring us you weak, your tired… unless they don’t aready live here… heck we don’t even seem to want you if you already live here….

Am I really supposed to be supportive of exploiting instead of investing in our citizens?

Am I really supposed to be supportive of government officials who are more interested in where the money comes from over decency?

Am I really supposed to be proud of stupidity and for some reason value the emotional reaction and grade school antics over intelligence and wanting a greater good?

I feel lost. I can’t bring myself to just “not care” or just always “not pay attention” to what is going on in our country.

I get that maybe I’d feel better if I could just live in my own bubble and not care about anyone else, even those I don’t agree with, but its not how I’m wired, and I’m honestly paying the price over it.

I feel alone in caring…