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I’m going to put my Mom hat on, and just discuss some truth that I think get’s brushed aside.

 

#1 Promises are sacred. You will forever be judged upon (and rightly so) the promises you make as how you fulfill them, or how you abandon them, because that is an accurate measure of your personal character.

#2 The ability to trust is what makes promises meaningful. Your word really is your bond. If your words are themselves meaningless, and not based in truth, then others have the right to judge you upon them.

#3 Should you reconsider promises made to those who have broken your trust? The answer is actually yes.  Your promises do have conditions that must be met in order for them to retain their meaning. Its important to be aware of what those conditions are.

Its far too simplified of a statement to just believe that promises should be kept at all cost… because there are times where they definitely shouldn’t be.  Example being is in the case of an abusive partner that threatens your safety and well being.

Each person’s limits are different, because the things they value are different, so its important to understand that thought.

This is why some people decide to stay with someone that cheated on them and broke that trust.  Their reasons could be vast in range, and could be anything from being scared to be alone, to simply not really actually caring about that part of their relationship, or maybe they understand it as a one time mistep in their partner. Does them staying with that person make the other’s indescresion “ok”?  Not by a long shot… but we make many weighted decisions in this lifetime.

Do your best to use your morals and ethics to do more than justify or excuse your decisions. Avoid basing decisions on excuses, but rather instead on fairness.

#4 Do not make promises lightly, make sure whatever it is, is something you are willing to stick with and fulfill to the end. You aren’t forced to promise anything to anyone… so don’t do it unless you really mean it.

#5 Emotions are fickle and easily swayed by your comfort level. For most things, the second you become uncomfortable, the question of something’s worth comes to mind, and resentment may even set in.

Positive and healthy relationships aren’t always 100% Comfortable. There even may be times when you are really angry and can barely stand each other, but know that anger doesn’t actually replace love of a person.

This is one reason why when your perception of love is catered around all the excitement, butterflies, rainbows and happiness involved with how you feel about another person at the moment, that relationships becomes very vulnerable to failure. Emotional love isn’t forever because emotions do sway. Take caution in basing too much upon fleeting emotions.

#6 Love is actually found in your promise, and in your fulfillment of that promise… nothing more or less.

Note that despite what movies and books portray… it is quite possible that there will very likely be others in your lifetime that stir your soul… others that inspire your being, and others whose presence gives a sense of happiness…. and that is actually ok to have those feelings or sense of appreciation towards another. You are not a bad person just because that feeling exists.

What is not ok is when you begin allowing fickle emotions associated with an appreciation of others to sway you into breaking your existing promises, especially ones that have no reason to be second guessed. It should always be your priority to “Love the one you are with.”

The emotionally immature will often not fully understand those other feelings, and will allow them to inflate into seeming to be something more than what they actually are.  To in affect eclipse what is actually real.  Don’t be swayed by the addictive nature of being something “new” and “exciting.” Fleeting emotional feelings like that pass.

You can accept that feelings exist without feeling a necessity to act upon them.

 

 

 

 

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In a month…

In a month… my oldest will be 20 years.

This means in two months I’ll be 40 years old. A couple years back, I had thought I was already 40 and was fine with it. This year I’m actually turning 40 and for some reason feeling a little down about it.

I know its just a number. I know it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. I know its not really that “old” though all the grey hair doesn’t help me not feel that way. It’s illogical and a waste to time and energy to be concerned with, but I have this annoying little internal voice that keeps bugging me about it. That is attempting to give merit to all those plastic and simpleton notions that I tend to hate so much.

I think its less the age thing thats bugging me really, and more the reflection that aging brings. The questioning of what your life has accomplished.. the impact you’ve left, or will leave.

The big hopes I had, to live my life in the manner that serves to inspire those around me to be positive, to push a little harder, to not give up.

I question how successful I’ve been.

 

some days….

Some days all you really need is to feel a little less alone in the world.

Some days you really need a time out… to think through things.

It occurs to me that people forget that we really aren’t born all-knowing. Its not like we start out understanding things very well. Our parents and teachers as we grow start off by teaching us simplified versions of things. We learn the alphabet, we learn numbers, we learn colors, we learn basics, we learn their beliefs. Then from there we pull in more information as we go along, growing our knowledge to become usable.

I find it interesting, that some are so unwilling to continue to grow past there. The world if full of different tints and hues of a vast rainbow of colors, yet in many instances, we choose to only consider things in black and white, and struggle with anything more. We were supposed to continue to grow, to learn and understand the bigger picture, yet many are very content to remain in such simplified terms, only taking into considerations the experiences they already know, or have already impacted them personally.

Why are humans so often so content to just remain so stagnant? It feels like so much work to get people to be willing to think outside of themselves.

Why are humans so bound by pride in not expanding themselves to understand more? I truly don’t understand.

The smaller pictures are easy.. and humans are lazy creatures.  Often not looking for anything further until they are made uncomfortable.

Maybe that is what it is right there… maybe only some of us are uncomfortable all the time. Some of us actually are empathetic enough to actually feel the impact of points that others make from a different point of view, so its not as easily ignored or disregarded.

Maybe some of us feel so alone in this world because it doesn’t seem like others care… Not because they necessarily don’t, but maybe its more the observed ability in others to so easily disregard thoughts and struggles of others,  just because it doesn’t fit with their simplified views and understandings of the world.

To someone empathetic, its hard sometimes to just realize others plain don’t “feel” others pain too. Empathetic people don’t realize that they are able understand a bit more, because their nature keeps them uncomfortable. Always questioning, always learning other perceptions and view without as much effort as others. You are naturally inundated by it constantly and so you can’t escape it. You have to come to terms with it, and not let the fact that in this day and age its harder to find interlocutors who are willing to think through things or that have solid reasons behind their beliefs and actions.

Empathetic people as a survival mechanism have to separate the emotional responses to pain from the reasonable responses to pain, and focus mostly upon trying to resolve the issue. Resolving the needs to take precedent over staunch personal pride in their own initial beliefs.

 

 

 

 

Ego preservation

Ego preservation is such a waste of time and energy. It limits how soon you can get to the results stage of a problem. It often minimizes how often others wish to even interact with you. It delays any actual progress, distracting us from our goal. Its one of the most worthless and weakest human traits that we stand by so staunchly. We seem to want to be seen as “right” more far than we actually  want “right results” to actually occur which is plain dumb.

We have this stupid tendency to be very worried about our own status and position, in making sure that other’s know just “how important” we are, and making sure they know “their place” in relation to that. Rather than just showing them our strengths instead by proving them, we expect that others follow suit with the narrative we’ve told ourselves. Egos are very bad for teamwork.

I’m so tired of the whole thing.

 

Valentines approaches, and it brings to mind a simple musing for me..

The beauty of Love is how it can bring you around…. how it can wake you up… how it can make you appreciate the simple wonders that is quality time spent in this life. It can help you appreciate the very small things, the subtle and gentle moments that are so truly life-affirming. To find those moments of awe and simple appreciation.

What is love exactly? I understand that my view on what love is in the first place detours a bit from the normalcy of society. First and foremost, I believe the hierarchy to be quite different than most.  I don’t feel like romantic love is at all the highest level to be achieved when it comes to love. I find romantic entanglement to actually be far lower on the scale because it seems it cannot be totally abstained from needing our ego’s to be fed in some manner by the other in order to “feel” like its working or worth it.

a quote comes to mind…

“It’s like loving the stars themselves… you don’t expect a sunset to love you back” ~ River Song

The things that make me appreciate love, are a resolute connection and a consistent simple willingness to attempt to understand another person and continue to care… even if there is no benefit to ourselves that will come out of it.

That is the pinnacle defining factor… a willingness to remain altruistic in a relationship to where your desire is purely health and happiness for the other, without reward to your own ego over it.  Its a tall order, its something more purely honest than having any underlining expectation of the investments of caring having the affect of being reflected back at you… and that is why I can’t put the same amount of merit into romantic situations as altruistic ones.

To desire another’s happiness above the need to be centrally important in their life. To be content with them living out their potential regardless of how involved it allows you to be.. not needing to be centrally important to them.  That to me is the highest measure of love someone can have towards another.

I personally would desire altruistic love over romantic infatuation any day.

 

This frustrating world….

I think the most frustrating thing about this lifetime is to feel like you are stuck in an environment where the masses are so stuck in abetting made-up priorities rather than the ones that really matter in order to create a greater good.

A world of slaves ruled by financial standings more than ethical or moral positions. To have so many believe that its beyond them to act, help, or even set up alternate ways to process things unless there is a dollar value allotted to go with it. That effort only matters if matched with funding. Short-term reciprocation expected for every action they take.

If you have to be paid in order to have moral character, than it isn’t moral character you can claim at all.

Its frustrating to feel alone in that people are only willing to be moral or exhibit ethics IF and when – it makes them look good, or it benefits them financially.

To live in a world where an individual’s value seems to be based upon the financial resources of the people that care about them.

This is the world I feel like I’m stuck in. It just makes me sad.

Happiness is a choice…

It always comes out true… Happiness is definitely a choice. It ends up being the result of your own efforts and choices, and not those of others.  No one can make you happy nor make you “feel” anything for that matter. Its actually the attitudes you take, the beliefs you nurture and the perspectives you allow to stay that decide it all, and you are the only one that has control of those things.

For some it is easy to mistake it as someone else’s doing, because your perspectives  — when left raw and under-scrutinized — are very easily be influenced by the emotion and energy of those around you. The lens you use to look at the world around you determines your reality.

All actions you take as well as the actions you don’t take — all still very much are your own choices. Its becomes simple when you realize that if happiness is your goal with your current situation, then you will have to let go of something. It will either be to “Let go” by decide to build yourself better filters and being less obsessive about the actions of others…. OR…..   you will decide you cannot go any further with the way things are and you decide to let go