I’ve always been of the opinon that we as people were meant to constantly grow and learn, develop and mature. God gave us a beautiful world, and the curiosity to strive to understand more than we know now.
There is a secret balance in place that many don’t realize. I say this because I’m convinced that there are certain lessons and ideas that even if we are too lazy to glean from studies – that things will ultimately occur in our own life to try and teach us. Wither or not we actually heed, or learn these lessons are purely individual, but the opportunities to learn are always around us. Every event, every moment of happiness, or tragidy can be used as a tool to learn and make you stronger.
Truly 90% of your life is your reactions to things that have happened, and only 10% what actually happens. That means we have more control than we give ourselves credit for. Attitude really is everything, and since our perceptions can be very fluid and fickle at best, its very important to evaluate the validity of core beliefs that we harbor.
Keep ourselves accountable so that whatever road we follow, we can ground it in something we can validly believe to be truth. Deep down, some of the reasons of why we believe a certain way, aren’t as noble as we’d like to think, and are really laced with negative reactions, or thoughts we’ve had about past events. Feelings of hurt, insecurity driving many of these. If personal beliefs and ideals are rooted in negativity, than it only serves to bind us. It isn’t until we “come off our high horse” and be honest with ourselves as to what emotions and feelings are behind it all, that we can work through them, take the reins back, and have honest feeling of integrity in ourselves.
Its far easier to love someone who shows and practices honor and integrity. And since they say you can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself, then it seems like making ourselves more loveable to ourselves would be a good way to start.
I encourage everyone to find some time to actually pull out a piece of paper and a pen and try to identify for themselves the roots of their core beliefs
List any major or minor core beliefs that you have. (This may be hard at first, but you do have them, so take your time.. there isn’t a time limit on this exercise, you don’t have to hand it in, its for yourself)
Once identified, then really make an effort to break down the “why’s”. Hopefully being more descriptive and not using short explanations such as “because” or “because it’s right/wrong”. Dig through and describe why you think it’s right or wrong.. If you don’t have any reasons, then perhaps you should either re-evaluate your stance, or institute valid reasons for your belief.
You can find that you have beliefs that you didn’t realize before.. for example, I like it when other people get recognized for doing a good job, and I like helping give the recogniton… But.. I don’t myself like to be pointed out for any reason.
I do want to know I’ve done good, but I get really uncomfortable being told I’ve done good. Doesn’t make sense does it?… and whenever anyone tells me I’ve done good, I tend to – in my own mind discredit the opinion.
Bad and negative I know… I’m working on it.. 🙂 But its not something I ever realized until my husband complained one day, telling me “Geesh.. why can you never accept a compliment?” I of course argued that “I could too!”, but when I thought about it really, he was right.
Its weird how there are things that are so true about ourselves, that we are totally oblivious to. Some of it probably has to do with how open minded we are or aren’t, but a lot of it is that we don’t probe our own minds much as why we are the way we are, at least not much further than laying blame somewhere.
The more I’ve thought on this, the more I’ve realized that when we internalize things done to us, hold on to hurtful thoughts and ways of behaivor we deem to be caused by some person we blame, then we ourselves are at fault for our own reaction.
Be your own annoying 3 year old and question… “why?… but then why? .. “and why is that?”. Kid’s initial reasons for asking so many questions isn’t to annoy, (although it may become a fun game for them if they think they can get attention that way) Kids want to understand, we should too..
I am always telling my kids that if you don’t know why you did something… then that is a problem. You should know always know what drives you.