Happiness is a choice…

It always comes out true… Happiness is definitely a choice. It ends up being the result of your own efforts and choices, and not those of others.  No one can make you happy nor make you “feel” anything for that matter. Its actually the attitudes you take, the beliefs you nurture and the perspectives you allow to stay that decide it all, and you are the only one that has control of those things.

For some it is easy to mistake it as someone else’s doing, because your perspectives  — when left raw and under-scrutinized — are very easily be influenced by the emotion and energy of those around you. The lens you use to look at the world around you determines your reality.

All actions you take as well as the actions you don’t take — all still very much are your own choices. Its becomes simple when you realize that if happiness is your goal with your current situation, then you will have to let go of something. It will either be to “Let go” by decide to build yourself better filters and being less obsessive about the actions of others…. OR…..   you will decide you cannot go any further with the way things are and you decide to let go




The issue with questioning everything is that you do in fact question everything which makes it hard to ever feel actually comfortable. The upside, however, is that you are quicker to learn from every instance that presents and adjust things accordingly. Adapting yourself to best deal with whats around you and whats beyond your control, yet still making the most out of it. You remain open to new ideas and new experiences, and you choose to learn from them rather than merely judge them.

The issue with following blindly is that you do in fact follow blindly and you need nothing real or proven to substantiate what you think, or feel, because your belief is all that matters. You can totally find comfort, but since this is life… and things have a habit of changing, you also are less likely to learn or adjust to the things around you because it doesn’t fit in with the perception of how things should be, and if you do adapt or change it becomes guilt over betraying that initial core belief.

I prefer for the ISP’s not to basically become another “cable company” type situation. One who gets to decide what sites I have the best connections to, and what sites I “don’t need” as good of a connection to.

One thing this conversation has brought to light is the reality that most people don’t have a real good grasp on how the internet works in the very first place. The internet as we know it works out of cooperation. If you think its your actual ISP’s router that delivers your packets the entire way to the site you want to visit and back, then you are quite mistaken.

The internet already depends on a level trust that the path your data takes will allow it to be passed on from one network’s router to another network’s router to yet another network’s router and then be delivered as requested. Its a whole ecosystem of cooperation.

What do you think happens when parts of that path suddenly decide that its ok to mess with that cooperation? When they decide what should be slowed down or stopped altogether because of a financial benefit to them.

Net Neutrality’s “regulations” that some of these people are all worried about, isn’t “your internet being micromanaged by bureaucrats”… Its safeguarding “our internet” from having its ecosystem being disturbed by greed. Once the cooperation stops… “your internet” will never be the same. I personally enjoy our current system. Its kinda nice to see untainted cooperation somewhere in this world.

Remember sometimes that it isn’t the ones that actually “know” how things work that makes the decisions on things like this, its the people “in charge” who are only in it to turn a profit that make the final decisions.

I’m having a hard time trying to figure this out.

Am I really supposed to be proud of our nation when we aren’t even living up to, or supporting the ideas that are advertised as being American ideals? Bring us you weak, your tired… unless they don’t aready live here… heck we don’t even seem to want you if you already live here….

Am I really supposed to be supportive of exploiting instead of investing in our citizens?

Am I really supposed to be supportive of government officials who are more interested in where the money comes from over decency?

Am I really supposed to be proud of stupidity and for some reason value the emotional reaction and grade school antics over intelligence and wanting a greater good?

I feel lost. I can’t bring myself to just “not care” or just always “not pay attention” to what is going on in our country.

I get that maybe I’d feel better if I could just live in my own bubble and not care about anyone else, even those I don’t agree with, but its not how I’m wired, and I’m honestly paying the price over it.

I feel alone in caring…


This world can be an incredibly lonely place.  How is it that there can there be 7.4+ billion people in the world and it still be so incredibly hard to not feel so alone. You are surrounded by people, even people that you love, and that love you back, yet…. you still feel so unknown. Unknown and not understood.

Not even feeling like anyone should be obligated, or should have to even “want” to know you… just more of a feeling that no one really understands your essence because everything you think and feel about situations feels so different and foreign from everyone else.

It makes it so hard to communicate. When you aren’t on the same wavelength and you realize it. When you realize that there is so much that you’d have to explain, just to get to the point where it would be fair to expect anyone to understand. When you know its really no ones fault, but you really don’t know how to then convey it to others, because you are hurting a little, but its entirely to exhausting to even try to explain… even to those who are patient enough to listen.

And then there is the guilt… the guilt in feeling like you just need to buck up and deal with something, but internally wishing that it wouldn’t be such a burden . Having the real desire to NOT be “That girl” … the one that complains and who people secretly don’t want to actually deal with, but are too nice to say it. You prevent that by minimizing the times you talk about anything you feel to anyone.

My two youngest children at opposite ends of High School, one starting and one ending this year. My older son wants to be a video game programmer / designer. My youngest wants to be a physicist or a bio-engineer. My older son wants to go to a college in Utah, my younger son told us this week he wants to go to Yale.

My heart is proud of both of these boys for planning out their future doing what they want to do. At the same time I can’t help but feel anxiety over how they will get there. The thing is, I have no doubt that they can do these things…. I’m just not familiar with the roads to get there, so that makes me worry, because I don’t already know how to be helpful… but that is my issue… not theirs. I don’t need to project that upon them.

My worries, really doesn’t matter.  I have to remember, its not about me or my worries. Its their adventure to start, and I don’t want anyone impeding that.

We shared the news with a couple groups of family and they immediately start in with the “Well you need to do this” and “Are you sure that is what you want to do”… and  “Its going to be hard”, and “You better figure out scholarships and get student loans”….. blah blah blah….

Why do adults do this? Why is their initial reaction to scare kids off? I know adults mean well, just wanting the kid to be prepared for the world and work ahead of them, but over the years I’ve discovered that often what makes things harder to manage is plain being psyched out early over how daunting the challenges in front of you are. There are multiple ways to achieve goals, and what is hard for one person, might be fine for another person and totally within their ability.

Instead of saying “Oh thats going to be a lot of work”…. why don’t we say more things like “Oh! What steps do YOU need to get to that goal?”… or if you actually care to be helpful… “Do you need help gaining access to finding out the information you need to plan this?”

If you want to help a kid, then encourage THEM to research and identify what they need to achieve their goal. Adults rarely know all the ins & outs of what they are so opinionated over. Want kids to succeed… Don’t identify what they “need” for them – because in most cases, (while few admit it) adults will really only have a partial idea anyway… because things change faster than we like to admit.

Everyone’s life has “hard work” times involved, and maybe this piece is hard for you, but not hard for your kid. Maybe instead of psyching kids out… maybe instead just let them know that you are supportive of them applying themselves to their own goals. Maybe instead of you pointing out what they’ll “need to do”… maybe instead encourage them to think it out by asking what their road looks like. Ask what their plans are in tackling those things.


I listened to adults way too much…. and I regret that.

Growing up there were three things I really thought about doing when I grew up. I wanted to be an architect.. and when I mentioned it, it was brought up that at the time (mid-school) that I struggled and had to actually try hard at math as it was, so maybe that architecture might be “too hard” for me to be good at.

(I really should have questioned how an adult with absolutely no personal experience with architecture in the first place (and no access to “google” back then, nor someone who visited a library ever) felt like they KNEW this would be too much of a problem for me. (and by the way… thanks for having no faith that I could get better at math, or encouraging me to get better at math… I just “wasn’t good” and apparently that wouldn’t change.) I wish I would have really questioned how seriously to take their opinion. I think this is part of the bad with being brought up rather sheltered)

Later in High School, I contemplated being a counselor or a teacher. When I mentioned that, my Mother told me I was way too sensitive to be a counselor so I wouldn’t be very good at it. I would cry with my patients and not be able to handle helping people with problems.

So later I thought about being a teacher, but my family did not have the money for school. I was told basically the only way I could do that is if I got really good grades and got a bunch of scholarships and student loans. I got A’s and B’s, and ended up getting one scholarship that paid for 3 classes worth at the local community college. I was told that student loans would be really hard for me to get because I had nothing of value to leverage for a loan, and I didn’t have family that could (or would) co-sign. I just believed all this too. Adults know what they’re talking about right? They’ve lived, so they know.

I found out later that isn’t exactly how student loans work. I should have looked into myself instead of trusting adults so much

I did my three classes, and then when that scholarship ran out I was done.

I don’t at all regret having my kids or current family, but I do regret listening so intently to some of the adults that “knew me”, that I put their worries ahead of forging my own path. That I just took what they said as being gospel. That I didn’t have the confidence or commons sense to question what I was told.

There is a difference between listening and accepting that what your told as being correct… Its fine to listen to what others opinions are, honestly its good to listen… but its important to not blindly accept something as absolute truth. Its important to remember that opinions are often cloaked as knowledge.

I hope I will teach my kids to make their own choices and forge their own way by doing the research and implementation themselves.




Blind respect towards something or someone that doesn’t respect back, is not wise. It tends to actually just be enabling out of fear or laziness. Its not noble, responsible or even a healthy practice to simply not question things “just because” something is the way its “always been”.
Actually learning and growing requires that our own morality and ethics always be questioned and reflected upon. We should not wish to be stagnant.
Respect not earned by admiration of our own character, or observance of our own qualities and actions is rather hollow. More often than not it is a sign of fear, rather than actual respect.
All should be willing to listen. This common practice of shutting down conversations with shame instead of listening to the other side and actively working through creating understandings with people and their different experiences…. the practice of judging first and ignoring is a sign of true cowardice. In the end, no amount of lying to ourselves will ever change the fact that we are two sides of the same coin.