Two sides of loneliness

loneliness

All in all, I think for the most part, the majority of us are lonely, and most of that loneliness is often self inflicted. Loneliness is ever present, for multiple reasons.

On one end, it has to do with pride and how we see ourselves. After all, the villian in one story is often the hero in another.

Some people seem to find it very difficult to open their minds. Not because they are entirely “awful” or inherently “evil” people, but rather because people are prideful. Self value is such a struggled for and misunderstood aspect. For most people, it’s really a fragile virtue that many look outwardly for justifications to convince themselves that they are a decent human in the first place.

The easiest way for us to do that, is to simply rely on the thought that you are “good” because of the personal beliefs you subscribe to.

This practice is actually pretty unfortunate when you think about it. It leaves us in a bad place. One where the act of having the belief is allowed to have more personal influence on how we see ourselves, than that of our actions or what attitudes we ourselves promote towards others. (both on purpose and inadvertently)

Deciding that “beliefs” makes us good or not, and deciding to vehemently adhere and defend what our current belief system is, actually serves to discourage learning, growth and acceptance. It’s because of our tendency for dichotomic thinking, the ease associated with that contrast, that it seems far too often that anything “different” or beyond what we understand is automatically “bad” or “wrong”. It can be very hard hard for many to let go of that safety net. There is this sense of “nobility” and “pride” to be taken in staunchly sticking up for what you have always believed, but unfortunately that knee-jerk reaction is adverse and contrary to ever learning more, or exploring different understandings of things and growing.

Giving more merit to the initial “belief” then to any exploration of the nuances of a topic is a prideful action.

Because their pride is at stake in their eyes, it becomes a personal attack. It is an attack on their value as a person to for them to think that you would think, that what they believe is not entirely correct, because to them it is part of the definition of their character.

They take it as a head on attack against them personally rather than as what it should be, just questions regarding the topic itself, and they will often do what any animal backed into a corner tends to do… either lash out at the attacker, or try to stop the conversation. Fight or Flight. If your feelings are hurt over someone having the audacity to disagree with you on a topic, that should be a giant red flag that some personal reflection is needed.

Your stance on the topic isn’t YOU.

It isn’t healthy to continue that way. This makes it very difficult to have any kind of meaningful conversations. It limits your ability to relate to others. Progress is stifled and grows stagnant as egos take precedence. It builds walls between you and others rather than bridges towards any type of growth or maturity in how we deal with each other.

On the flip side, the lack of being able to have any sort of real meaningful conversations is extremely sad and insanely lonesome. Very often, you find that others don’t understand you and they aren’t willing to delve as deep into the problem solving exploration that you feel is required to “make things actually better” seems to separate you from the herd.

The world is massive with such diversity, and while one may be fine to explore it, the lack of people capable to reflect upon it with, without it degrading into an “Us” vs “Them” mentality seems maddeningly small. As they become more and more aware of this, they can become disillusioned. For these people, pride is not the issue, the issue and how it affects others is the focus issue. Its not being about always “being right” or “laying blame”, or personal egos at all, its about the resolution. Its about being open to understanding different points of view… about having a willingness to understand and consider the pain points of others.

Even understanding that people aren’t necessarily “bad” and just suffer from the pain of pridefulness, isn’t much of a consolation, because you are still left rather alone with no interlocutors.

In earnest it is pretty rare to encounter conversations where people are objective and aware of their own biases and accepting of the limitations of their own experience. Where people are willing to give weight to someone else’s issues with a subject. Where they are willing to plain listen and learn, or just consider alternate paths and courses of action that haven’t already been used, or even to just consider adjustment.

In this instance you feel extremely alone in your own willingness to be more creative.

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