the problem with silence …

The most detestable attitude is apathy… I know this, yet I feel that exhaustion has brought me real near it. It gets to be a coping strategy unfortunately when you get to the point that you feel like you can’t handle even one more thing.  I’m just plain tired and I don’t know what to do. There is a definite lull to my optimism and I’m at a loss for how to change it.

I don’t really enjoy attention, it makes me uncomfortable. Everyone has their own issues, and doesn’t really need to be bothered with mine, so it makes it really hard, and really lonely at times. I’m so against putting negatives out in a world that is already overflowing with them….  and its why I’ve stayed so quiet… so silent. The problem with silence is that its really hard to work things out that way. Its really hard to feel like you are making any progress, when you can’t address some of the things you feel, especially if there is no one to talk to. No one that understands where you are coming from, or that those that simply seems to only care when it benefits them, or if you “follow” along in their plan. If you, then you are worthless.

I’m not sure if anyone reads this, so I guess its ok to just let some of the frustrations out here, because to be quite honest.. I feel like I’m breaking in half.

I suppose it sounds selfish, but I want to share responsibility. I want to trust that when I get tired, or if I get sick, that someone will pick up the slack and that they’d care enough to do a decent job at it. Its difficult when it all rides on you.