Consider the Source…

Consider the Source

If you ask my kids, they will tell you that this is a phrase I utter often when they are looking for direction into explaining away someone else’s actions. Truly its a matter of taking into consideration another’s personal beliefs, their life experiences, and their motives. From those three things, if you care to look hard enough, you can generally start to figure out another’s version of truth.

We all have our sensitivities. Things that we in honesty tend to over react to.  Those who care about us will have taken the time to maybe have a clue as to what these things are. They would have at their disposal an insight to maybe understand a bit more as to why react the way we do… not necessarily agree, but at least have an understanding regarding the perception that is fueling our reactions.

Notice I didn’t say cater to… I just said to have an understanding. Personal Responsibility makes one aware that sometimes we need to peer into our own thoughts and beliefs. Sometimes we need to “Consider the Source” of what drives us to react the way we do. To fact check for ourselves  and figure out how many of our reactions are based in personal insecurities, old antiquated belief systems and made-up motives we’ve projected onto others. With any personal growth, its important you start at the core and work out..

The biggest misconception that many of us hold, is that certain things in this life can be considered “obvious”.  We get angry with others because of how their actions made us feel, when they “obviously” should have known. We become frustrated when we try to describe something we take for granted, and the other doesn’t understand where we are coming from.  Instead of recognizing that there are different ways to look at things, most knee-jerk reaction is to instead label that person unintelligent because its beyond us how someone can’t recognize something so “obvious”.  We could all take a second to get over ourselves at times.

While we spend 24/7 in our own heads, others do not. We all experience different joys and sorrows in different proportions. We all have different points of interest, and different terminology we use to describe those things. If you ever find yourself saying “Obviously”… then let it be a red flag to yourself to stop and take a breath and reconsider what assumption you are making.

Is it a duck or a rabbit?
Is it a duck or a rabbit?

I’m sure you’ve by this time all seen this picture, or one similar. Is it a duck or a rabbit? The truth is that it all depends on your perception…… on how you view it. While at first glance this picture is “obviously a rabbit” to some, it is in fact “obviously a duck” to others and yet others only see scribbled lines on a page…. so who is right?  The truth is that real “Truth” is not one-sided or owned by a single view point and we should make ourselves open to that idea. Any of those three descriptions can be considered accurate, no matter how staunch we personally believe that its “obviously” anything.

Back on subject  though,  if you filter someones reactions by what you know of them, it can be useful to not let the way someone else acts…. drive you as crazy. Their reactions may still hurt, but you can hopefully retain your sanity over it, do your part to forgive what you can.. and most importantly not rely on them to allow yourself to move on.

“Consider the Source” and accept that even in the best of situations, you truly have no real control over how someone chooses to view a situation, how they choose to feel/react, and how long until they go before they themselves decide to let go and grow past that event… if they decide to at all.

There will be times where you have to be able to agree to disagree and leave it at that and remove yourself from playing a blame game. The only thing constant in this life is that things change. So on a personal level we have to decide to give up on grief that can keep us from growing. That is a decision that only the individual can make.  We all grow at different levels, so accepting that someone might not be in the same phase of the healing stage is important.

Forgiveness is not a two party action. It is when you choose to simply “Consider the Source” and relinquish the need for  reasons/excuses, or for the other party to admit fault or be sorry at all. Its when you’ve accepted that its personally ok to move on, even if they haven’t.

In honesty certain relationships may never be the same again, and while that is regretful, its not the end of the world. There’s always hope, and sometimes doors close in your face to in order to force you to turn around and search for healthier paths where you can become more than what you once were.

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