I’ve always been a big believer that the state of being happy is a choice. I still believe that is true, but I’m having a hard time figuring out why the “deciding to be happy” seems to be on the weaker side for me lately.
Right now I feel overwhelmed, and I feel like others so easily tear apart things I’ve spent time and effort on trying to set up to make life more secure. I just feel very alone in the aspect of just caring beyond how something impacts things right this second. I don’t want to struggle so much, and I’m tired. I don’t think it is what God had in mind to just do what we want then say “Oh, I’ll pray and God will take care of it”. I think there is something to be said for not putting yourself in bad situations in the first place whenever possible. I’m beginning to think that God places some people in the position of being that contingency plan for others who don’t feel the need to be responsible.
Wrong I’m sure, but to be honest, right now I feel like I’m the sole safety net in my life, and that I’m being stretched to the limit, mostly because its not a priority for anyone else to protect and encourage anything better.
The idea of getting to a point where I’m permitted to relax and pursue things I personally enjoy seems to have become less and less likely, and I’m discouraged.
I need to come to terms I think.