Occasionally I get into these modes where I just feel very impatient and spent. Its not a good thing, especially for an optimist who tends to reprimand themselves often.. I hate being harped at, even when its just me doing the harping.
I get disjointed and feel like I can’t even complete a thought effectively. You know there’s a problem when you are speaking and don’t even have the energy to finish the sentence you were uttering. I second guess a lot, and decide that its probably information no one is really interested in anyway. This is evident recently as, I in honesty have started about 6 different posts on here in the past month that you can’t see, mostly because I can’t finish them in the way that gets across my meanings.. so they sit in drafts until I’m inspired or find my patience (or really a combination of both).
So today I am searching for the sunshine to be inspired. Ready, willing, and wanting to be inspired and to accomplish something good. Flagging down this opportunity… I’m ready!
There are a couple issues that I feel my hands are just up in the air right now, and I have no sense of direction on. I’ve not given up, but definitely stifled by them. No direction whatsoever, so we sit where we are and it stays that way, but it gnaws at me because I know that its not ok to allow that to go on forever. I also know that it affects the a person’s peace to be idle. One such issue is Deon’s shoulder injury. He’s not 100%, and I kind of doubt he ever will be at this point. No clue where to go from here, and doubt anything can or will be done that can fix anything. I can’t even seem to come up with anything that would be an acceptable fit for him job wise that actually fits with any of his skills. Unfortunately he’s the type that has to be interested in his work. He is bored, which is never a good thing, and even worse when he is limited and has a hard time staying excited about any certain thing anyway. It weighs heavy on him, and it weighs heavy on us knowing how frustrated and useless he feels.
It makes me think we put too much emphasis on defining ourselves by what our job is. Jobs vary all throughout our life, so why do we feel the need to have our worth assigned by what position we have? As long as we accomplish something right? I mean we don’t all have to be doctors or lawyers, to be worth something right? Hope not.. lol.. because otherwise I’m in trouble.
We’re surviving alright, it could be much worse (and has been) so I really can’t complain, its just something needs to come up at some point to ease his spirit. I’m sure it will, I’m probably just impatient. Its always frustrating when you don’t know how to help.
Since sometimes positives are attracted to positives, I think its a good time to express my thankfulness over my health at the moment. In the last few months I’ve actually been doing quite decent with my MS. (Knock on wood). Symptoms have been pretty mild and just basically small annoyances. As long as I sleep & eat right, and listen to my body, I’m as near-to-normal as I’ve been in a long time. I am thankful for only these small annoyances – so far so good. I don’t seem to be as bad off as I was last year, and pray that it continues.