Looking for sunshine..

Occasionally I get into these modes where I just feel very impatient and spent. Its not a good thing, especially for an optimist who tends to reprimand themselves often.. I hate being harped at, even when its just me doing the harping.

I get disjointed and feel like I can’t even complete a thought effectively. You know there’s a problem when you are speaking and don’t even have the energy to finish the sentence you were uttering.  I second guess a lot, and decide that its probably information no one is really interested in anyway.  This is evident recently as, I in honesty have started about 6 different posts on here in the past month that you can’t see, mostly because I can’t finish them in the way that gets across my meanings.. so they sit in drafts until I’m inspired or find my patience (or really a combination of both).

So today I am searching for the sunshine to be inspired.  Ready,  willing, and wanting to be inspired and to accomplish something good. Flagging down this opportunity… I’m ready!

There are a couple issues that I feel my hands are just up in the air right now, and I have no sense of direction on.  I’ve not given up, but definitely stifled by them. No direction whatsoever, so we sit where we are and it stays that way, but it gnaws at me because I know that its not ok to allow that to go on forever. I also know that it affects the a person’s peace to be idle.   One such issue is Deon’s shoulder injury.  He’s not 100%, and I kind of doubt he ever will be at this point. No clue where to go from here, and doubt anything can or will be done that can fix anything.  I can’t even seem to come up with anything that would be an acceptable fit for him job wise that actually fits with any of his skills. Unfortunately he’s the type that has to be interested in his work. He is bored, which is never a good thing, and even worse when he is limited and has a hard time staying excited about any certain thing anyway.   It weighs heavy on him, and it weighs heavy on us knowing how frustrated and useless he feels.

It makes me think we put too much emphasis on defining ourselves by what our job is. Jobs vary all throughout our life, so why do we feel the need to have our worth assigned by what position we have? As long as we accomplish something right? I mean we don’t all have to be doctors or lawyers,  to be worth something right?  Hope not.. lol.. because otherwise I’m in trouble.

We’re surviving alright, it could be much worse (and has been) so I really can’t complain, its just something needs to come up at some point to ease his spirit. I’m sure it will, I’m probably just impatient.  Its always frustrating when you don’t know how to help.

Since sometimes positives are attracted to positives, I think its a good time to express my thankfulness over my health at the moment. In the last few months I’ve actually been doing quite decent with my MS. (Knock on wood).  Symptoms have been pretty mild and just basically small annoyances. As long as I sleep & eat right,  and listen to my body, I’m as near-to-normal as I’ve been in a long time.  I am thankful for only these small annoyances – so far so good. I don’t seem to be as bad off as I was last year, and pray that it continues.

3 thoughts on “Looking for sunshine..”

  1. Hi, I just found your BLOG today by accident, and have enjoyed what I have read so far!
    I have just been diagnosed with MS and the Dr. would like me to go on Copaxon…and I noticed that you were on it. I was just wondering if you are still on it, and how you find it? I am struggling with the whole Drug thing. I am not afraid of needles so that isn’t the problem for me. But I just can’t seem to wrap myself around the drug thing that may or may not do any good.

  2. Hello Teresa,
    Regarding finding Copaxone, In the past I’ve had two different insurance companies. Each insurance company had a “Specialty Pharmacy” that I had to use for the insurance to agree to pay for it. The Copaxone was always mailed to me directly from that insurance agency’s approved “Specialty Pharmacy”.

    Like you, my neurologist at the time had suggested I go on a drug. I chose Copaxone, because in my own research, I felt it to be the least intrusive in how it was said to work. I too, had a very hard time with taking as well as paying so much for drug that may or may not work. Honestly I was given the impression that they “think they know” how it works, but aren’t really positive. MS is very difficult to put a finger on anyway, because there are no real constants. What works for one person, may or may not work for another because of what nerves are being affected, and how severe. Its all very individual. Because of that I urge you to take anything you read or hear with that understanding. My own current treatment is spawned out of listening to my body and trying to assist it however I can, through vitamins that I was found deficient in, getting sleep, avoiding once hidden allergies, and attempting to change my own attitudes to decrease stress where I can.

    I initially took Copaxone for almost a year, but have not had it for near 2 years now. The initial neurologist I had told me that there was nothing I could do, and that I had to take the drugs or I’d get worse, and I may get worse anyway. I tried to talk to him about diet and things I could do, but he wasn’t real helpful there. I began seeing an Integrated MD doctor on the side just to have someone to talk about things I could do to improve even my general health. Recently I’ve changed neurologist’s altogether. The new one has a very different approach on treatment and is willing to talk and encourages overall health. Its a much better situation and far less stressful. Currently I’m very happy with my treatment plan, and just how I’ve felt physically in general. I’m down to very minimal, (more annoying than inhibiting) symptoms right now. Praying it stays that way 🙂

    Mostly I encourage you to make sure you are comfortable with the treatment choice you follow. Listen to your body, if you aren’t comfortable with the treatment choice, figure out why, and be open to explore something that makes the most sense for you. Wish you the very best!

  3. Thank you very much for the information. I have also spoken with two friends who have MS and although their MS is different from mine (seems everyone’s is) they too are no longer on the drugs…they are taking a more Natural way of treating the MS.

    I was feeling some pressure, wether real or self inflicted to make a decision about going on the Drugs sooner rather than later. Now that I have talked it out with my family and had some feedback from other people like yourself that have MS. I have taken the pressure off!! I will do more research to find was it going to be right for me and not rush into this decision.
    Thanks again for your reply!! It really does help me…with me being so new to all of this!
    Take care
    Teresa

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