Growing up…

My daughter is growing up..

Shelsea is 11 now –  12 in less than 3 weeks,  and delving lately into areas that I have never had a talent for, or solid interest in.  She has a friend who is older, who she’s been spending time with, and I really don’t mind, but it seems to have brought on an influx of focus on her hair, and makeup, clothes… like I said, all areas that I’ve never been adept at. Her friend cut her hair this past week, and its trendy and ok, but I secretly miss her more simple style. She’s just plain looking older than what I’m ready for her to be. (Yes I fully realize that the last statement is my problem, not hers.. luckily she has a preference for wearing clothes that cover her respectfully, so I realize I have really lucked out with her in many ways – she really is a good girl.)

Its something I’m going to have to get a handle on and quickly, because its inevitable.  I really want to NOT be one of those parents that nit-pick at every little thing just because of my own insecurity.  She’s getting emotional, which through heredity –  is par for the course, but I definitely have noticed that hormones have kicked things up a notch.  The other day a situation came up and I was trying to gently remind her to slow it down a bit and take an extra second to think of an idea from another perspective, and it put her into full on tears. Made me feel bad and question if anything I had said had been helpful at all, or if it was just percieved as degrading her character, which was not at all how it was meant.

Its getting hard, it really is.

This morning I asked her to tone down the makeup.    I was seriously afraid someone would think we either hit her or kept her up all night working in a secret child labor camp. She’s not so neat with the eyeshadow yet, and was using a dark charcoal color and it kinda looked like maybe she had bags under her eyes… I did not say that however, I just told her it was a bit too dark , and suggested that maybe she should do her makeup in the bathroom where there is better light.   She was putting it on by her mirror which is in the corner of her room and her bedroom light isn’t all that bright to begin with.  She claimed to have enough light, then complied moving to the bathroom. However, this again put her in a mopey mood, and instead of just moving to the bathroom to adjust it,  she just washed it all off.

This teenage girl thing is going to be tricky.  I think I’m being kind and clear, but its lately taken in a way that makes me think she thinks I’m picking on her. We have a good relationship, and I want that to continue, but I never want for her to feel as bad about herself as I had during that point in my life. I don’t want her to avoid talking to me because she’s afraid I’ll judge her, but I still want to be able to help her too and it seems to be a hard balance to strike.. maybe time for a Mom & Daughter talk.  Hopefully I’m inspired to speak clearly and that she is inspired to understand my meaning, and not focus on anything else that could  be implied.

Darn our human reliance on perceptions!!!

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