Its kind of amazing to me how little time it actually takes to create and produce another living being. I’m sure anyone who is pregnant at the moment will disagree, because their excitement over the pending event overrides, and makes it seem to go on forever I’m sure. But really, less than a year, 40 weeks, somewhere between 9 to 10 months really, of which the first three to four, some people may not be even able to tell that anything is at all different.
A lot of babies around us lately. My Niece Alysondra is now 4 months old and cuter every time I see her. Another family member is now 3 months along with her child and due before the end of this year.
A friend of my sister-in-law has a new little girl close in age with Aly, her name is Abbie. A co-worker of mine and his wife just had their little girl the other night. I think they said she was 7 weeks early, so is stationed for now up at the Hospital in Portland. Yet another co-worker of mine is expecting their 4th in October. More than multiple facebook friends have just had, or are due soon to have their babies as well
Babies, Babies everywhere! After our third child was born, we had made the “responsible” decision for my husband to go ahead and get a vasectomy. Our reasons were simple and still stand. We wanted to focus on the care of the three kids we already had. We wanted to be able to financially provide for our children. To be able to provide the emotional attention and guidance needed. Quality individual time. It is a decision I don’t regret, and I think is probably one of the smarter ones we’ve made…. yet….
At certain points in the past year there has been a tinge of wonder. I never was one who wanted lots of kids for the sake of having lots of kids. I really want quality relationships with my children. I’m the first one to admit that I really really love the stage my children are in right now, where they can intelligently talk to you about their thoughts and ideas. We have far surpassed the stage of diapers, baby bottles, and the constant fear of them putting something wrong in their mouths..
So knowing that, then why do I kind of miss that baby/toddler stage, why do I often think lately… “aw.. a baby might be nice.” I actually felt a little better about these fleeting thoughts in my head when I heard yet another co-worker make a comment that it was a good thing that them and their husband can’t have any because she’s been feeling very maternal lately. (So I’m not alone apparently.) Maybe its the season? Spring fever? Is it peer pressure? Everyone’s doing it? Everyone else has one or is getting one, so I want one too?
I think really I just miss that small toddler peering up at me with that look of unconditional love. It was pleasant to be a tiny person’s hero, the one that they loved most in all the land! Like I said before, I love the stage my kids are at now, but they are thoroughly aware that I’m not perfect, and that their are things I just can’t do, MS or no.. So maybe it could even be an ego thing?
As it stands, there is no longer a natural way for us to even entertain the idea. So logic says, why ever think about it? Maybe the fact of knowing it wouldn’t happen works as a safety net, allowing a dreamer to feel safe about dreaming about it right? The only alternative that could grant another child in our family would be through adoption, which I know very little about, and I’m sure requires a lot of work, and possible heartache if things don’t work out.
We have actually talked about it in the past, so its not a new, or completely novel idea. We both feel that there are so many kids out there who are left to the wayside, that people merely tolerate but don’t care to invest in, or maybe just simply aren’t physically, financially, or mentally able to take care of. Its incredibly sad and makes me want to be involved somehow.
Adoption seems to be something we are both inching up on being seriously interested in, but we don’t know when. Plus I don’t know if this is less of a possibility for our future since the MS diagnosis. Then when you consider that, it opens a lot of further questions. While I consider myself at this point to be really lucky and only “Lightly Toasted” by MS so far, – is it really fair to “invite” another person into your family and make them deal with difficulties that it may cause in the future. I really don’t know how I feel about that.
So for now, I’ll be content with where we are. I think it needs a lot more thought and deliberation, and perhaps at a later time when I am not swayed by surrounding estrogen levels and fleeting emotional “what if’s”. I’ll continue to just pray and play with the little ones all around, and smile when I hand them back to Mommy and Daddy, remembering and fully knowing all the work that goes into really raising one that small.
Besides, its not like there aren’t new adventures brewing, Shelsea starts middle school this fall.. This could be interesting…. 🙂