Keeping ourself Accountable

I’ve always been of the opinon that we as people were meant to constantly grow and learn, develop and mature.  God gave us a beautiful world, and the curiosity to strive to understand more than we know now.

There is a secret balance in place that many don’t realize. I say this because I’m convinced that there are certain lessons and ideas that even if we are too lazy to glean from studies – that things will ultimately occur in our own life  to try and teach us. Wither or not we actually heed, or learn these lessons are purely individual, but the opportunities to learn are always around us. Every event, every moment of happiness, or tragidy can be used as a tool to learn and make you stronger.

Truly 90% of your life is your reactions to things that have happened, and only 10% what actually happens.  That means we have more control than we give ourselves credit for.  Attitude really is everything, and since our perceptions can be very fluid and fickle at best, its very important to evaluate the validity of core beliefs that we harbor.

Keep ourselves accountable so that whatever road we follow, we can ground it in something we can validly believe to be truth. Deep down, some of the reasons of why we believe a certain way, aren’t as noble as we’d like to think, and are really laced with negative reactions, or thoughts we’ve had about  past events. Feelings of hurt, insecurity driving many of these. If personal beliefs and  ideals are rooted in negativity, than it only serves to bind us. It isn’t until we “come off our high horse” and be honest with ourselves as to what emotions and feelings are behind it all, that we can work through them, take the reins back, and have honest feeling of integrity in ourselves.

Its far easier to love someone who shows and practices honor and integrity. And since they say you can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself, then it seems like making ourselves more loveable to ourselves would be a good way to start.

I encourage everyone to find some time to actually pull out a piece of paper and a pen and try to identify for themselves the roots of their core beliefs

List any major or minor core beliefs that you have. (This may be hard at first, but you do have them, so take your time.. there isn’t a time limit on this exercise, you don’t have to hand it in, its for yourself)

Once identified, then really make an effort to break down the “why’s”. Hopefully being more descriptive and not using short explanations such as “because” or “because it’s right/wrong”. Dig through and describe why you think it’s right or wrong.. If you don’t have any reasons, then perhaps you should either re-evaluate your stance, or institute valid reasons for your belief.

You can find that you have beliefs that you didn’t realize before.. for example, I like it when other people get recognized for doing a good job, and I like helping give the recogniton… But.. I don’t myself like to be pointed out for any reason.

I do want to know I’ve done good, but I get really uncomfortable being told I’ve done good. Doesn’t make sense does it?… and whenever anyone tells me I’ve done good, I tend to – in my own mind discredit the opinion.

Bad and negative I know… I’m working on it.. 🙂  But its not something I ever realized until my husband complained one day, telling me “Geesh.. why can you never accept a compliment?”  I of course argued that “I could too!”, but when I thought about it really, he was right.

Its weird how there are things that are so true about ourselves, that we are totally oblivious to.  Some of it probably has to do with how open minded we are or aren’t, but a lot of it is that we don’t probe our own minds much  as why we are the way we are, at least not much further than laying blame somewhere.

The more I’ve thought on this, the more I’ve realized that when we  internalize things done to us, hold on to hurtful thoughts and ways of behaivor we deem to be caused by some person we blame,  then we ourselves are at fault for our own reaction.

Be your own annoying 3 year old and question… “why?… but then why? .. “and why is that?”.  Kid’s initial reasons for asking so many questions isn’t to annoy, (although it may become a fun game for them if they think they can get attention that way) Kids want to understand, we should too..

I am always telling my kids that if you don’t know why you did something… then that is a problem. You should know always know what drives you.

Kylan’s Birthday & misc other


This weekend we had Kylan’s  birthday party.  My “Baby” is now 6 years old…. *sniffle…  It was thrown together pretty quickly because we have been so busy!





My sister had came with Aly – got a few cute ones with her as well.




this is my father-in-law holding Aly.   My husband’s family has always really liked my sister, so they naturally claim her and her family too.. “Poppa” says he  has 7 grandchildren, and this is his and Aly’s first meeting.. lol 🙂


We took the kids to look at the progress on the house. The insulation appears to be done, and they will be working on drywall this week…



Here’s a pic of Deon & Shelsea, adding it because I like it.. lol


while this was this weekend as well, and it looks sunny and nice, it was so cold! I know its really was cold – not just screwed up sensations on my part because others complain too, but no matter what I do I can’t seem to get warm, and it affects my movement. I’m not sure how much I can blame on MS or that its just plain cold! I had heard I’d have problems with heat, but I wonder if others have MS problems with cold?

Busy Busy!

I found out that Habitat is envisioning that our house dedication will be on April 25th 2009! I’m very excited. I was told that we aren’t working at the site this week because they will be having some professionals in there doing a few things that needs to be done by professionals.. lol.

Works out good though, as a friend of ours let us know that they will be in our Oregon this weekend, and so are going to come visit us! I’m very excited! Our kids used to play together alot about 4 years ago before they moved to Louisiana, then more recently they moved to Washington.

LOL! not so funny story is that once, back when we lived at the apartment, we had gotten a new phone, so we gave the old handset to Shelsea to play with in her room… harmless right? Our friends came over, and their oldest (who was 7 or 8 at the time)  and Shelsea (age 6) figured out how to plug the phone into the actual outlet, and then proceeded to call 911 and then hang up! Our friend had to go, so rounded up her three kids at the time (she now has 5, I’ve never met her baby), and I walked them to their car.

Not two minutes after I came back in the apartment my phone rings and it is 911 Dispatch telling me they had recieved a hang-up call from our number. I assured them everything was ok, and apologized profusely. Confused at how that could happen, I walked into Shelsea’s bedroom to ask her if she had called 911, to see the phone actually hooked up. After talking to Shelsea and our friend, It came out that both kids had just learned about 911 at school, so decided to “test it out”.. hmm.. lol! The kids got their respective “talking to” and I decided to not let them use the old phone as a toy anymore.

Most visits weren’t that eventful back then, lol.. Kids really liked to play together, and I liked the opportunity to catch up with my friend. I’m excited to see them, and meet her youngest who is now 4 or 5.

We picked out the lighting fixtures last week for the house. We ended up having the opportunity to have a young woman from George Fox University who is studying Interior Design and for part of her internship,  come out with us. I was pleased to find that having her along turned out to be quite beneficial as she brought up points that we wouldn’t have thought of. She was pleasant, and thoughtful, and really listened to what we were looking for.

We used to watch “Trading Spaces” alot, and was I was really hoping that we wouldn’t end up with a “Doug”, “Hildy” or “Lauri” who were three who kind of bugged me on that show. She was nothing like them, so I was very pleased.. lol!

My sister and her husband have been very kind, and have saved us boxes from both their workplaces, so we actually have packed a few boxes now. Not as many as I would like, but we’re officially starting to pack.

MS Anniversary…. a lot of changes

It was one year ago today that I was officially diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. As I look back, it is amazing to me all of the changes that has occurred since then.  Today is a medium day for me as far as symptoms go. I still consider myself very lucky as I think I am still doing pretty darn good for having MS.  Makes me feel guilty sometimes when I read some others blogs and experiences, but also makes me appreciate the blessings I’ve been given. God really is good. I pray that I continue to live on the “light” side of what MS has to offer.

Thinking back over the last twelve months though, I can still pretty vividly remember all variant  degrees of problems I’ve encountered, going from days with minimal symptoms – where I could almost forget I had the disease, to days where I very obviously limped around, to days where I couldn’t use or control my arms or leg(s). Headaches from you know where, vision and balance issues… all ever changing and liquid in both duration and severity.. It has been an interesting ride.

I’ve learned alot in the last year, not only about MS itself, but about myself. About priorities, about being kind to others by being kind to yourself. My family and I have taken on a total different approach to our diets. Food in general has become a whole other creature than it was a year ago. With the discovery of what severe allergies my son had to wheat/gluten, dairy and red meat and adjusting to that – which consequently made 98% of his issues with Psoriasis go away. To researching and learning dietary measures that other MS sufferers … (hmm don’t much like that term… scratch that.. lets say “MS survivors” instead) have done to minimize their symptoms.  I have been lucky in that I was able to quickly identify right off a very noticable difference in my symptoms when I avoided certain foods.I know others have had a much harder time in that phase of learning about their bodies allergies.

Food at our house is actually thought about now. We are not only pickier about what we allow into our bodies, but also just the revelation that food’s actual purpose is fuel for your body to function, not just comfort.  Not to say that we have got it mastered or anything, its always a challenge to find things that are ok, and anytime we have other people watch Haiden especially, it gets a little complicated, but we have gotten a litte better at it over the last year. While I sometimes miss the Ice Cream and cheese, and goodies from yester years…. I definately don’t miss the 60 lbs I’ve lost in the past year.  It has also made me very aware that alot of our nation’s poundage problem is more in food itself – both quality and portions., I know this because unfortunately I can’t say that its been diet and exercise for me…. I haven’t done much (closer to if any.. ><) exercise at all, and still relatively quickly shed pounds to where I am now, which has plateaued to a stable place now.

The girl that was deathly afraid of needles has learned to cope (somewhat). I still can’t stand to watch blood drawn, but I deal with the generally daily (when I’m good and don’t forget) injections of Copaxone.

I’ve learned what a “Specialty Pharmacy” is.  I’ve learned to have a pretty good description of what MS actually does, to explain to friends and family that sometimes get curious, and want to understand.

I’ve learned how important attitude really is. I now can very quickly associate the severity of some symptoms with the undertones of how I perceive my day. I fully respect (though don’t always obey) the importance of sleep, and just resting in general. Not only allowing your body to rest, but also in allowing your mind to relax as well. (Means not worrying about absolutely everything…. easier said than done! believe me! ) but important none-the-less.

All in all, as much as MS sucks, I have to admit that it has brought about some changes in my life that might have not otherwise occurred. I doubt I will ever be “thankful” for this disease, but I do appreciate the lessons I have learned because of it.  It really is too bad that we do are best learning from difficult experiences.. lol.

But as Deon told me when this all began a year ago.. our new family motto was changed to “Its all Good”. Because what happens, will happen, it’s not always in our control, but come “Heck” or highwater.. we will get through it together. I’m lucky to have my husband to walk with me through this. I appreciate the strength I’ve been given from him, from God, from my friends, and my family…  I love you all!