Quote to think about

Someone e-mailed me this quote this morning….

We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about.
-Charles Kingsley

How true is that! Everyone always thinks “If I just made more money” or “If I had X then I’d really be happy”.

How much of our mental state can be attributed to our choice to be lazy and apathetic towards the world around us? Ever notice that the people that live simple lives and focus on the things they really care about, seem to be the happiest. Those who are in love with life, not for what life gives them, but rather for what they make out of their own life. Those who realize that money is not the fix-all.

Slightly different subject…

I had an interesting epiphany the other day. There are times where I feel extremely under utilized at work. I sometimes feel like I’m not getting the opportunity to learn new things like before, or that I’m not being included as much into even some of the day-to-day stuff. Part of that is because my position has changed, and honestly we have such a great team now. They are all very capable, they don’t “need” my extra help so much any more. Sometimes it makes me feel as not as important around the office as I used to.

And Yes, I do realize that last statement is my own personal “ego” issue. Its on the cusp of being ridiculous really. I am really very lucky, I still have a job when many don’t. I do really like my co-workers. I still have work to do, I still am needed, there’s still things that people come ask me for help on… why do I have this odd innate wish to be bogged down? For some reason I feel more valuable at those times. Really I should be glad that for the most part, I can actually take a day off and not have someone call me about something anymore.

I seem to have this over-the-top “need” to feel “needed”. I like to help, and feel pretty empty when there is no one to help. Its a catch 22 for me really because it is probably better for me since the MS diagnosis to not be as busy or stressed out.

The more I dig, the more I think about it, the more I realize that it goes back to the (I’m sure unintentionally directed) belief from childhood that I am no good unless I’m doing something for someone else. I’m only as good as the amount of help I provide, and that as soon as an aspect is finished, its over, its value then annulled as the “favor” or “job” is complete. So its on to the next favor or task to make me worth something again.

Grrr.. Really I don’t know why I continue to struggle with this. I feel like I’m beating a dead horse. I’ve figured this out about myself on more than a few different occasions now… why hasn’t this issue gone away? If I’ve identified it, and have picked it apart knowing full well what a crazy subconscious belief system it is.. I can successfully argue how illogical it is….. then why does it still creep up?

Anyhow.. so back to what I originally intended to write on today… I was going to write about the idea of your “1 thing”.. If you’ve ever watched the movie “City Slickers”, Curly says the secret of life is “1 thing”. As you watch the movie there is a sort of pursuit to figure out what that “1 thing” is. In the end, it turns out that everyone’s “1 thing” is different.

Everyone has something different that excites their spirit. I think its important to figure out for ourselves what that “1 thing” is, and then work towards that.

There is so much depression in our society today. I think it has a lot to do us being apathetic, and just allowing life to happen to us, rather than going out and living, and really making our life be about our “1 thing”.

Even worse, society encourages us to prioritize our life and our own value by physical and monetary measures, as opposed to what is really important. We think we have to “measure up”. The lines between “need” and “want” quickly become muddy and blurred, and so we pretty consistently look to ascertain a certain standing, treating it more as if it were a right to have things rather than a privilege. Its a false sense that we are “owed” something out of this life. It is this way of thinking that perpetuates unhappiness, depression and stress.

Logic is logic and fact is fact. When you base your beliefs on ideas or thought processes that are false, or even only partly true, then of course you are going to be disappointed. For example.. I can argue all I want that I don’t believe in gravity, but no matter what I say, or how convincing I am.. I am still subject to it and will fall to the ground if I don’t respect it.

No matter what you may think or feel, any sense of control you think you have is really just a farce. It can be disturbing to realize that really, you never truly “own” anything. Even your vehicle, or an inherited piece of land you have, really isn’t ever yours. It may be “yours” on a piece of paper somewhere, but that doesn’t make you able to totally control what happens to it. Can you detour a natural disaster? Can you ever totally shield from an accident anything you claim to “own” or “control”.

Control is a figment of your imagination. Things can change in a split second, and everything you knew can totally be turned upside down just as quickly, and its more important to be able to work through and adapt than to hold on to self reasoned ideals of what life owes you. No amount of tantrums can undo whatever wrong you think you’ve been dealt, so deal with it and move on the best you can. Don’t hold on to misery.

sheesh sorry so long.. and the sad part is I don’t think I’m even really done with all I wanted to express, so maybe will revisit this idea another day… or maybe not..

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