Unspoken vs Outspoken

Ever notice what a delicate balance it is in knowing what thoughts you should express, and which you should just plain keep to yourself? Some things you know are true, but maybe should never be said out loud…. or should they? Now obviously, telling “Aunt Mae” that you think her dress is ugly is unnecessary.  What I’m talking about those times when your opinions are actually asked of. Especially if its in regard to an unhealthy behavior.

Its hard to determine sometimes.  In the big picture, how much does my opinion merit anyway?  When is it worth it? There are trivial thoughts and opinions that definitely aren’t worth it, and that are really things we need to workout for ourselves. Our own personal hang-ups that we need to address, and really determine if its an actual mountain or a mole hill, before it gets to the point where we involve others.

If after real reflection, you still believe that something needs to be corrected, then what do you do?

In these cases I think that very little is accomplished by keeping certain things to yourself. Some things could totally be “fixed” if people let go of personal ego’s and preconceived notions. Here is the other problem though… What if the other individual isn’t willing, or plain incapable of working things out rationally?  What then? You can’t reason with the unreasonable.  Is it worth it to have drama over a problem that won’t be worked out, because pride and ego get in the way?  I guess it really just depends on the problem.

In general, I tend to go it on the side of caution, and try not  say anything that would be taken wrong. I tend to be surrounded by literal people, so I will initially keep it to myself, analyzing the situation to make sure I’m being as understanding of things I should be, before I even think about saying anything.  I’m not sure its the best way to be though either, because either my silence is found to be disrespectful, or worse when frustrations mount, and at points in time when I’m not as “controlled” as I should be, I slip up. Then fights occur where I am appalled to hear the others perception of my motives.

Its interesting how you can totally feel like you are putting your heart and soul into something, and someone else’s perception is that you haven’t lifted a finger, or that your motives are the exact opposite of what you are working so hard for. It truly dumbfounds me when that happens.

There is a book, which I have yet to read, which I think I may need to. It is on the premis of “Love Languages”. It talks about how each individual percieves, expresses, and feels love differently.  The way the ad for the book explained it, is that your emotional love language and your spouses can be as different as English and Chinese. No matter how hard you try to express your love in “English”, if your spouse only understands “Chinese” then they will never really understand how much you love them.

I think that words can be dangerous, but not as dangerous as perceptions. Perceptions are small shards of experiences that people use to form their own unique reality. They are as numerous and vast, and completely individual, which is why the old cliche about “You can’t please all the people all the time” is so true.

Perceptions can change an innocent statement or action, into something malicious or hurtful all without it being meant that way. This is increasingly difficult when you are dealing with individuals who in your opinion read more into situations than there is, aren’t willing to take your explanations, and aren’t willing to let things go, forgive and move on.  It is exhausting…

One of the biggest problems I think our society has is that we are all a bunch of hurt children. So many people that don’t even love themselves enough to make healthy decisions. This self loathing not only damages ourselves, but those we care about as well.  This world is lacking in love, and it has to begin in ones own being. If you can’t be loving towards even yourself, then I think you can never possibly express the love you have for others – No matter what love language they speak. If you won’t allow yourself to be loved, it makes relationships very difficult…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lifehouse – Whatever it takes
“She said if we’re gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don’t hide the broken parts that I need to see
She said like it or not it’s the way it’s gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me”

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