~~~~~How do you know?~~~~~~~~~
Since I am still pretty new to the MS scene.. I have a question. How do you know? By that I mean how do you know when it is time to get the doctor involved because of new symptoms. The problem I come across is that the one doctor I see, if I mention the littlest thing (for example – the fact that I had removed bread from my diet and it seemed to help a little bit) Then it snowballs in to more and more tests and more expenses that my insurance may or may not pay for. I opted not to have the test because to me its pointless to test to see if bread affects my system if I’ve already resoluted to not eat it anymore. Doesn’t that make sense? Coupled with the fact that even if they do pay part of it, I still can’t pay whats left. >< Least not right now, and I fear its only going to get worse. I am still trying to figure out how to pay for the three different tests that they did to figure out that MS is what I had in the first place.
My MS tends to be a very fluid pretty consistant situation. It is usually in one of my two legs or feet, or both. Ironically today my legs/feet feel just fine, and my left arm is numb, especially my pinky finger, and my left side of my back. That being said, I know that in a few days it will be something totally different with a slew of different affected areas and different sensations… so when is when?
And if they really can’t do anything for me except inject me with more drugs that they “think” might help, but aren’t really sure how, then how do I know just taking time to relax and let the symptoms settle down wouldn’t be better and cheaper, and cause my family far less frustration? It would be one thing I guess if it was to a point where I felt like I totally couldn’t walk, or couldn’t function. Its painful at times, but right now its still more of a frustration and annoyance at my body for not keeping up with me, but I find that sometimes maybe at the moment if I can’t do something, I’ll just try a little later, and I can do it. Mind over matter I suppose… but it doesn’t always work.
I’ve restarted the Copaxone, which for whatever reason both times I’ve felt worse at the beginning. I’m told that is not common in most patients, and they attribute it to my lack of enthusiasm to take medicines in the first place. Maybe I have the wrong attitude, I’m going to have to pray on that one I suppose, for clarity. Now where did I leave that Serenity poem.. ^^
This weekend, my daughter went to her friend’s birthday party. When she returned, she told me that her friends mother had asked how I was doing with the MS, and Shelsea said I was doing alright. With that, Shelsea said that her friends mother turned to one of the other adults at the party and was talking on and on about how I “only eat vegetables” and how I’ve let MS take over my life…… (and this conversation all in front of my child as well.. >< )
Hmm…. So because I’ve chosen to be more careful about what I eat, and try and be better about doing my part to live healthier, then in others point of views, I’m no longer in control of my life? I’ve let MS take over? ………Really?
The crazy thing is I’ve only spoke to this woman once since I found out, and it was not even that long of a conversation. And really it is not as if I happen to hold that much respect for this individual in her particular life decisons and priorities, so I suppose that should be the end of my frustration over her comment right there. To consider the source… still, it frustrates me a little..
I’m not as physically active as I’d like to be, in fact it bugs me that I’m going to have to be careful this summer once we start working on the house. I want to be there the whole time! I know I won’t necessarily be able to, but still. I have always had a “push on thru” attitude when it comes to work. I like to get things finished! But I know I’m going to have to alter my attitude a bit, but I still don’t think it means that I’ve let the MS take over.
How is it that someone can “know” one thing about you, or have one conversation with you and think they are endowed to a place where they can judge you?
MS is not my life priority, If anything I emphatically try to not let it interrupt the way things were before. In some things I’ve succeeded and in others I’ve had to make alterations, but I’m still not sure that means I’ve failed and that MS now equals the definition of me.
I still try to be there for my husband, I still take time out to have quality conversations with my kids on what they are thinking & feeling, and try to help give them direction and guidance where they need. I still try to be there for my sister as she goes through her 1st pregnancy, I still volunteer and teach my son’s children’s church class on rotation, and I still go to work full time, and try and do a good job there, and I still try to keep up with friends when I can.
And so what if I actually care about what I put in my body? Should it really an issue to anyone else? Should it be something to put me down over? In a counseling video by a gentleman named Gary Smalley, he spoke of finding treasures in difficult situations. The “pearls” as he called them were good things or lessons that came of bad situations or events.
If anything, I can say that because of the MS, I’ve paid more attention to my health and what I eat, and in doing so, (though it wasn’t the initial intended result) I’ve lost about 20lbs now, and even was able to put on my wedding dress last night at the urging of my children! I hadn’t been able to do that for years! Plus I now have a valid venue in which to instill healthy eating habits in my children. Is that such a bad thing? …….This is what I’m saying.